Big ideas to retain from How to win friends and influence people
During this summer I had time to read the very inspiring book by Dale Carnegie: How to win friends and influence people.
Many people told me good things about this book (mostly online) , like it will transform my vision of the human relationship. And god they were right.
So here are three lessons I have learned from this book.
Criticism is futile.
Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
One of the first thing Dale Carnegie addresses in his book is the fact that criticizing someone for whom they are or just their work is not positive for either side.
Indeed, by criticizing the work of the other person, you hurt his sense of importance, you try to pierce this bubble which protects its integrity.
At the same time you are hurting someone, and it doesn’t help you.
Instead give honest and sincere appreciation.
Be interested in people
You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
This one is quite obvious but often forgotten: Always make the other person feel important.
First by becoming a good listener.
For this you don’t need to be a genius.
Yes, that’s all. But for some people it could be quite difficult, some people like to be ear but they never listen.
Through this book, the author explains many things about how humans interact with each other.
We often think that the primary needs of man are to eat, drink…
But we also have psychological needs and one of them is the desire to be important.
If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people — things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
If you take time for an another person you’re sure that she or he will remember.
One sentence that I find really beautiful (It could possibly be on a poem) is:
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Assumed that you could be wrong
What a lot of people do that is a problem is that in the middle of a conversation they tell you you’re wrong. Stop it. Really. The only thing you’ll do is make the other side never want to argue with you again.
So if you want that the other person agree with you, don’t tell her that he or she is wrong.
Then try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
By putting yourself in his or her shoes, you can see issues that are different from yours and perhaps understand why this person does not think the way you do.
You cannot teach a man anything ; you can only help him to find it within himself .
Finally, do not try to convince him in a direct way. Here is a “technique” discussed in the book that is interesting and can help you greatly: At the beginning of the conversation start like this:
“I may be wrong . I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts. “
Right away, the other person feels on the same level as you. You are no longer face to face but side by side, in order to find the answer to a problem.
An other technic is the Socrate method but I am going to write a complete and detailed article on it soon.
The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.
I think that quote is a good ending. If you don’t really want to improve your relationship, these advices are useless.
Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this article, and it motivated you to read this incredible book.
See you soon.
Clément